there are several reasons why i don’t blog much anymore and one day i’ll get around to blogging about them¹.  but one of the reasons i don’t blog is that i feel like i’m losing the war to save the soul of sports.  my dissatisfaction with sports and the direction of sports culture has never been higher than it is right now.  between the cowboys and the way everyone is handling the a-rod thing (eff you bud selig), it’s enough to make me start my dissertation over².  in any case, this story was a much needed boost to my faith in sports and its potential.  as you might guess i’m not one much for sentimentality, but it’s nice to read about high school kids, coaches and parents doing good things with sports.

link via deadspin

1. so. meta. [↩]
2. haha…just kidding…i think. [↩]

here’s the first paragraph of peter king’s post super bowl column.

After a surprise deluge leaves players and staff drenched, 78-year-old owner Dan Rooney walks the sidelines with a towel for headgear, warding off the light rain that lingers. He looks, quite frankly, bizarre. “Hey, Mr. Rooney,” calls out Hines Ward, with a mischievous smile, from 20 yards away. “You with the Taliban?”

obviously, hines ward should know better, and as one of the more prominent PARMs¹, i’m kinda disappointed in him.  but making a joke doesn’t make you a racist as it does just make you insensitive.  however, peter king, as a writer for a nationally syndicated column should know better.  if you read the column, you’ll see that king is recounting this story as a way of showing how loose the steelers were before the game and what a close knit team they are.  you know, “look how not nervousl these guys are, making jokes on the field.”  but my guess is that peter king doesn’t realize the racist implications of calling someone with a towel on their head a member of the taliban.  ok, off to fire off a strongly worded letter to sports illustrated.

1. Positive Asian Role Model [↩]

reasons why i may stop watching professional football next year

1.  the cowboys - TO reality show, michael irvin reality show, wade phillips and jason garrett coming back.  i’m all for supporting your team through thick and thin, but the thing is, i need to feel that someone out in valley ranch is at least trying to win a superbowl.  and if everyone in the world (including my mom, who knows absolutely nothing about football) can see that these are all things that are doomed to contribute to a bad season and jerry jones can’t, then there is nothing that is going to be done to rectify this situation.  last season was a complete abortion and it just seems that nobody in the organization learned a damn thing about it.  they just want to trot out the same players, the same coaches, and say that it’s gonna turn out better this time.  yes rooting for the cowboys next year is like rooting for w. to get elected to a third term.  no, i just don’t have the time to waste on such futile pursuits as rooting for the cowboys to make the super bowl.  and if i can’t root for the cowboys, why else would i want to watch football next year?

2.  peter king is KILLING me.  he is THE football writer of record for this era.  this week is ostensibly the biggest year of the year for king and all football writers.  the biggest game of the whole year.  the single biggest sporting event in america.  and on monday, he dedicates the first not 1, but the first two entire pages of his weekly column to the coaches.  and not ken whisenhunt and mike tomlin, but a two freakin’ assistants, todd haley and dick lebeau.  also notice that the black coach, mike tomlin is only mentioned once and only as setup to talk about lebeau.  that was bad enough, but wait, there’s more.  the next day on his tuesday follow up, he spends eight paragraphs of jake motherfucking plummer, who has been out of football for years.  my favorite line is this one:

Aren’t there a hundred questions you’d like to ask Jake Plummer?

actually, i just have one.  how did you completely suck all those years in arizona and still manage to get a starting job with the broncos?  is it too much to ask for the most popular football writer in america to write something about the game?  i suppose it happens to all sports writers.  gammons lost it a couple of years back, king has clearly lost it, and bill simmons is starting to lose it as evidenced by his last column about his dead dog.  if i can’t even read about football and be informed and entertained, you tell me, what’s the point?

3.  more than anything else, however, is this year’s superbowl matchup.  true, it’s not the nightmare of philly vs. baltimore, but it is still quite a lackluster matchup nonetheless.  a mediocre team that got hot vs. a wildly inconsistent offense that may be without its best reciever who is the heart and soul of the team.  a quarterback who believes that dinosaurs walked the earth at the same time as humans.  the saving grace of this game will be larry fitzgerald and troy polamalu, the only players on either side worth paying money to see play.  and for me, that is what this game simply comes down to.  can anyone cover larry fitzgerald, the only player who is having a transcendant post season.  i’ve watched all of the playoff games and seriously, i don’t think i’ve seen fitzgerald drop a pass.  

now obviously, the steelers have an amazing defense anchored by probably the most unique player in the NFL.  there are very few players in NFL history that you can turn loose like polamalu.  to see him and that wild mane of hair fly all over the field and just make play after play is really fun to watch.  let’s put it this way, aside from ed reed, could you imagine another safety freelancing like he does?  could you imagine what a disaster it would be to let roy williams loose like that on the cowboys defense?  so then the question becomes, can the steelers put pressure on kurt warner?  and seeing how warner is less mobile than me in the pocket, i would say yes.  

if i’m ken whisenhunt, this is my offensive plan.  on the 50% of plays where kurt warner will be pressured, have warner take the sack.  on the other 50% of the plays, unless boldin or breaston are wide open throw the ball to larry fitzgerald.  i don’t care if he’s double or triple teamed.  if there’s something that we learned this post season is that larry fitzgerald will catch the ball in traffic.  and not only will he catch the ball, he will catch touchdowns.

the line started at steelers -6.5 and has since moved up to 7.  fredo and i both agreed that even the orginal line was too high since whisenhunt probably knows ben roethlisberger better than ben roethlisberger does.  and even though the steelers seem to be a clearly better team, this kind of knowledge against a quarterback that isn’t transcendant is enough to cover the spread.  but you know what?  let’s forget the spread this week and just pick a winner.  i was leaning towards the steelers last week but after thinking about it, i’ve talked myself into the cards.  it’s just that kind of season where we will have a shitty super bowl champ.

and when the game ends, there’s a good chance that you’ll never hear from bobby the gook again.  i don’t know if it’s just because the cowboys were so disappointing this year or because the league has achieved near perfect parity, but football doesn’t excite me nearly as much as it used to.  or maybe i’m just getting old like peter king.

wow, what a crazy weekend. but in all honesty, i hardly watched any of it. it really does amaze me how my interest in football has waned over the years. hell it just took a few minutes who even played last week. wanna know what i think? we’re headed for the least compelling super bowl in a long time.

ARI (+3.5) over phi, o/u - 47
why not? it would make more sense that the eagles, a more established franchise play in the superbowl, but the surprising running game of the cards seems to be making the difference. plus jesus is rooting for kart warner and the cards. i’ll go ahead and take the over here as well. i see larry fitzgerald continuing his amazing ways and i think he’ll probably be the first qb off the board in fantasy drafts next year if kart warner comes back.

PIT (-6) over bal, o/u - 33.5
this should be an entertaining game in that the leagues two best defenses get to go at it. flacco has been very good, but the steelers just have that look. their win over the chargers last week screamed team of destiny to me…well as much as a team of destiny as an 11 game winner can be at least. i’ll go over here too.

so there you have it folks. pray that i’m right because an eagles/ravens superbowl would be the worst thing to happen to football in a while.

i just saw the ravens beat the titans, and even though it doesn’t count because i didn’t get it in on time, everyone and their mothers could have seen that the titans had already peaked and would lose this game.  everyone except for erik that is.  anyways, here are my views on the last three games.

CAR (-9.5) over ari, o/u - 48.5
not even jesus christ can save kurt warner from the fact that the cardinals stink on the road. remember, fraudulent teams get exposed in the playoffs. under.

NYG (-4.5) over phi +4.5, o/u - 39
see above regarding fraudulent teams. seriously, the giants have basically been the best team all season. and we think they’re gonna let the eagles come in and move the ball? no, i don’t think so. this one is going to stink even more than cards game. i like the giants in a complete rout. give me the over based on the giants score alone.

PIT (-6.5) over sd +6.5, o/u - 37.5
dammit, how did all these fraudulent teams get into the playoffs? i like the way the chargers played last week, but is there any reason to believe that norv turner can rally the troops on the road? is darren sproles really going to run hog wild on james harrison, et. al. like he did against a below average indy defense. and since baltimore already gave us our upset for the week, there’s no need to get cute now. i’ll take the under here too.

erik’s picks which strangely enough are all the opposite of mine
TEN -3

ARI +9.5

phi +4.5

sd +6.5

well, the cowboys took a big dump on professional sports, the detroit lions will forever be linked with ultimate futility, and not a single one of us a-holes could crack .500 on our picks.  thank god the season is over.  on the plus side, we all did relatively well in the picks last week in a week that is usually pretty difficult to predict.  erik and i got 10 games, and fredo got 11.  but that means fredo hangs on by a thread to his crappy lead to win the picks division.  everyone got their big bet this week and i’m happy to say that we at least all finished above .500 in this category.  of course, i had this category locked up weeks ago, so yea for me.  in the most interesting battle, erik managed to double his money and get rid of that annoying 50 cents in the bob bucks round….but fredo game through big with the pats and managed to win this category easily.  but since playing with bob bucks is nothing like playing with real money, it is the category that is least like real gambling so it doesn’t even matter that i pissed away all of my own bob bucks with three weeks left in the season.  erik and fredo, feel free to cash in your bob bucks whenever you want.  so here are the final standings.

what a load of crap.  in any case, it’s wildcard time, or as i like to call it wildcrap time.  this is always the worst week of playoff football as mediocre teams battle it out.  the action is interesting as the spreads are relatively close and there the road teams are almost all favored.  as per custom, no keeping records with this thing, we only pick the playoffs for the love of the game.  numbers from caesars and home team in caps.

atl (pk) over ARI, o/u - 50.5
this one seems a little strange to me. the falcons started as the favorite, so that means everyone is going with the cards. let’s see, the cards have a worse, record, play in a weaker division, and well, they’re the cards. the main thing going against the falcons is that they start a rookie qb and history tells us that rookie qbs just can’t get it done in the playoffs. me, i’m gonna go against the crowd and go with the falcons who just seem to be a better team in nearly every category except wide receiver. far be it from me to thumb my nose at history, but matt ryan will be just fine against a team that doesn’t play the pass especially well. and i like the under in this one as well.

ind (-1) over SD, o/u - 50
fredo seems to think that this one is tough to call since san diego and philip rivers in particular are playing so well. i don’t disagree, but i think indy is going to win it all this year. it is strange how peyton put together such a quiet mvp season together this year, and in a lot of ways, i think he actually earned it. addai played like crap all year and the defense was extremely shaky at times. i said this last year, and i’ll say it again: i think history will bear out that peyton is a better qb than tom brady. penis nose is still number one on the ragin’ asian’s depth chart. under here as well.

MIA (+3.5) over bal, o/u - 37.5
fredo says to expect a real shitfest for this game and i can’t say i disagree. while both of these teams are solid, neither of them really played what you would call exciting football this year. the ravens also face the rookie qb factor, and since i don’t think joe flacco is nearly as good as matt ryan, i guess it makes sense to take the home dog here. on another note, what does it mean that chad pennington has twice won the comeback player of the year award? doesn’t this only mean that he’s wildly inconsistent? that’s he had two really shitty season? if i’m chad pennington, i send the award back to the AP and tell them to kiss my black ass. under.

phi (-3) over MIN, o/u - 41
again, i’ll refer to fredo’s football wisdom here. the vikings do one thing well and that’s about it. and that one thing is extremely reliant on the fact that they have who will probably be the best running back of his generation on their team. the eagles on the other hand seem to be playing well ever since the mcnabb benching. a lot of people thought it was a bad decision at the time, but it seems to have proven a good coaching decision that motivated the eagles. something that the cowboys coaches and players know absolutely nothing about. that and jinx the effing eagles in their goddammed nostrils. gimme the over here. and someone needs to check on andy reid’s kids, i think they might be selling crack again.

well folks, here we are.  the very last week of this year’s NFL season.  i have to say, the cowboys problems this year really put a damper on my enjoyment of the season.  couple that with my crappy fantasy football performances and you have a bob that is just a little less interested in the NFL than last year.  in fact, i’d say the main motivating factor for my football activities was actually this blog.  and this season has been nothing short of sensational.  to sum up, fredo has really come on and overtaken me in bob bucks, while i have seen an incredible swing of fortune and lost all my bob bucks a couple of weeks ago.  erik has been hot and cold in this category. so barring gambling disaster, fredo should take this category.  meanwhile in the big bet category, erik and i forgot to put down a big bet last week and fredo took the bears.  but no matter, i wrapped this category a long time ago.  which brings up to the most important category, the picks.  here are the results from last week.

that’s right folks, we’re down to the last week and only two games separates the three of us.  fredo really tanked it last week.  perhaps it was the anticipation of christmas.  perhaps he was distracted by the fact that i was in town and we watched the cowboys game together with so much sexual tension in the air.  whatever it was, it was the perfect opportunity for erik and i to get back into striking distance.  on top of that, this last week is always the hardest week to figure out as it is unclear who will be resting their starters for the playoffs.  whatever the case, this should be the most exciting finish in BTG history.  hang on to your hats kids and let’s get to pickin’!  as always, numbers from caesar’s and home team in caps.

oak (+13) over TAM, o/u - 39
i don’t feel good about this one as the raiders have been horrible at covering this year. but 13 points seems like just too many for a team as not-explosive as the buccaneers. nothing would make me happier than to see jon gruden miss the playoffs.

det (+10.5) over GB, o/u - 43
again, not the best logic, but i can’t in good conscience root for a team to go winless, even if the team hails from the city that has caused the second great depression. seriously, why aren’t people picking on aaron rodgers as a loser?

MIN (-7) over nyg, o/u - 42
obviously, the giants are resting their starters and i can’t imagine the first team defense getting more than a half of playing time. which means the vikings who are playing for the division and essentially the playoffs will try to put this one away early…

HOU (-3) over chi, o/u - 46.5
…which means the bears will see the score of this game sometime in the middle of the second quarter and start making their vacation plans.

NO (+2.5) over car, o/u - 51
last week’s loss to the giants tells me that the panthers simply are not for real. sure their record is impressive, but they make just enough boneheaded plays to lose to really good teams. brees and sean payton will be sorry though and try to gun for marino’s record and in all likelihood get it.

ATL (-14) over stl, o/u - 44.5
see this is why it sucks to bet on the last week of the season. if carolina somehow takes a big lead into the third quarter, then what’s the point of atlanta trying for the rest of the game? so, i guess since i predict a saints win, i also have to predict that the falcons are going to try throughout the whole game.

kc (+3) over CIN, o/u - 38
remember, in the battle of shit teams, take the points.

IND (+3) over ten, o/u - 38.5
in what would otherwise be a sensational game to end the season, i think jim sorgi will get the best of…vince young? seriously, it’s really sad how that guy’s career has unfolded.

PIT (-11) over cle, o/u - 33.5
the question here in a game of resting starters vs. crappy team is whether or not romeo crennel has lost the team. and seeing as how there are rumors that crennel is going to be fired at the two minute warning of the second half of this game, i would say that he has in fact lost the team.

BUF (+6) over ne, o/u - 40
easily, the most foolish pick by me this week. but hear me out. tom brady just got engaged to gisele. this means that basically, his career is over. seriously, how can anyone be married to as hot of a piece of ass as this and concentrate on anything else. i don’t blame him really. so that means that belichick is going to have to swallow his pride and give cassel the free agent money he is sure to command next year. so in an evil genius move, he creates a game plan that makes cassel look awful thereby lowering his value on the open market. yes, he sacrifices the patriots playoff chances this year, but he knows that is a lost cause anyway since there are four or five teams that they would have no shot at beating in the playoffs this year, and belichick knows that this scenario would be in the best interest of his team. i know it sounds crazy, but tell me which part i’m not right about.

BAL (-11) over jax, o/u - 37
i read somewhere the other day that jack del rio is promising a shakeup of the jags in response to their disappointing season. he might try looking in the mirror as to where to start this shakeup. you know, i was trying to figure out where my hatred of jack del rio came from, and i really can’t pinpoint it. it doesn’t bother me though. eff jack del rio in the ear.

PHI (-1.5) over dal, o/u - 42.5
i have never been so disappointed in a cowboys team than i have this season. the notion of fighting for their playoff lives in the last week of the season is such a reflection of all of the colossal blunders committed by players, coaches, and management, that i don’t even know what to say. i would almost say that the cowboys have turned into the yankees were it not for the ludicrous contracts that the yanks gave to sabathia, burnett, and texieira this offseason. i almost want the cowboys to lose so that i don’t have to suffer the humiliation of another first round playoff defeat. 50.

NYJ (-3) over mia, o/u - 42
it would be a most delicious ending if chad pennington knocked brett favre out of the playoffs, but the NFL poobahs are not going to have any of it. expect lots of bad officiating calls in this one.

sea (+6.5) over ARI, o/u - 45.5
cuz eff the cardinals.

SFO (-3) over wash, o/u - 37
and eff the redskins and their mamas too.

SD (-8.5) over den, o/u - 50.5
in the season finale of CSI: footballist - in network television’s bloodiest and naked-est locker room gun battle, a washed up and naked LT ends up shooting and killing all of the broncos running backs (nude of course) except tatum bell, ensuring that he is not the worst running back on the field today. jay cutler has a clear shot at LT with his sniper rifle, but can’t get the shot off as antonio gates sodomizes him as he pulls the trigger. the stray bullet ricochets off of the ceiling and kills a naked philip rivers in the process. upon seeing his secret lover killed in the violence, LT turns the gun on himself and blows off his dingus then his head, ending a spectacular NFL career. parental discretion is advised.

these picks are guaranteed to kick erik and fredo’s picks in the balls.