yeah emmeffers, guess who went 3-0 on thanksgiving?
ind (-3.5) over HOU, o/u – 48, colts (-180) texans (+160)
everyone seems to love the texans here. which i find kinda dumb. indy is undefeated with the greatest qb of a generation and the texans don’t seem to understand that the object of the game is to possess the football. i guess that there’s a history of the texans playing the colts close, but is there any reason to put money on this history?
CIN (-13.5) over cle, o/u – 38.5, bengals (off) browns (off)
i wonder how brady quinn feels this week. lost in the stafford becomes a man game, brady quinn also threw 5 tds. if i had to describe how i think he feels, i think “poop sandwich” is the metaphor i would use.
MIN (-11) over chi, o/u – 47, vikings (-600) bears (+400)
this is actually a little too much respect for the bears if you ask me. and as much as i hate to admit it, brett favre numbers are a little bit ridiculous at this point. but it doesn’t bother me since i know he will pay for it when his soul burns in the fires of hell.
PHI (-9.5) over was, o/u – 40, eagles (-450) obamas (+325)
this week on a very special bruthaz:
(pan in to kitchen table where obama is doing a sudoku. campbell enters stage right and slams the latest issue of the national enquirer)
jason campbell: obama! what the hell is going on? did you have lunch with donavan mcnabb? how, how could you?
obams: jason, i think you’re overreacting. calm down…
jc: how can i be calm, when my own roommate had decided that he likes another black quarterback better than me? who’s next, josh freeman?
barakstar: jason, now listen. as leader of the free world, i have to show support to all the black quarterbacks of the world. it’s part of my job, especially since pennsylvania is a swing state.
campbell’s cream of suck soup: it’s just so hard to be quarterback of this sorry team with a sorry owner in a sorry city.
obamalamadingdong: hey how do you think i feel? i have to be president of all these white people in washington DC. (laugh track)
dan snyder’s buttbuddy: yeah, i guess i never thought of it that way. being qb of the redskins is just like being president of the united states. i’m sorry, it’s just all this pressure. obama, do you think we can beat the eagles this week?
(obama pulls out the eagles playbook that he stole during his lunch with mcnabb)
the first black president: yes. yes we can.
mia (-3) over BUF, o/u – 39.5, dolphins (-175) bills (-155)
shanahan: overrated.
TEN (-3) over ari, o/u – 46.5, titans (-140) cardinals (+120)
has anyone noticed how fat jeff fischer had gotten? it’s a good thing it’s getting cold because indoors he’s been wearing this mumu type thing over his fat belly. i think he has a case of VINSANITY! rock me!
STL (+4) over sea, o/u – 42.5, rams (+170) seahawks (-200)
now here’s a great late season game. the only thing that can make this game worth watching of following is if i make this my big bet. done and done.
tam (+12.5) over ATL, o/u – 46, buccaneers (+450) hawks (-650)
that’s just a lot of points for a team that is starting its 3rd string running back. i’m also very interested to see what freeman can do indoors.
car (+3) over NYJ, o/u – 41.5, panthers (+150) jets (-170)
if ever there is a case of clear east coast bias, it is the jets. both rex ryan and matt sanchez were christened as jesus christ and the holy spirit at the beginning of the year. now the jets just suck. maybe this is a trap, but i don’t see how the jets are better than the panthers.
jax (+3) over SFO, o/u – 41.5, jaguars (+155) niners (-175)
this matchup does nothing for me.
kc (+13.5) over SDO, o/u – 45, chiefs (off) chargers (off)
no, i don’t think the chiefs are going to win. but this seems like just the kind of game that norv will find a way to keep close.
pit (pk) over BAL, o/u – off, steelers (off) ravens (off)
the lines are still off, but i think big ben has been cleared to play. this is as much of a must win for the steelers as they’ve had in a while.
ne (+2.5) over NO, o/u – 57, patriots (+110) saints (-130)
i really have no idea about this game. should be entertaining and high scoring and someone will win. how’s that for hard hitting analysis?
hmmm…looks like i went with a lot of road teams. this isn’t gonna be pretty.
Name: Bob
7 responses so far ↓
1 helene // Nov 28, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Ind
Cin
Min
Phi
Buf
Ten
Sea
Atl
Car
Jax
SD
Pit
NO (big bet)
$100 Phi
$50 Cin/Car/Jax
2 alfredo // Nov 28, 2009 at 11:57 pm
HOU (+3.5) over ind
”I’ve tied myself with wire to let the horses run free.” Penisnose just told me that and then pointed to the horseshoe that he drew on his face with a magic marker. We’ve been drinking since 10am. We’ve also been sniffing magic markers. He is wasted and has a 12:00 game in Houston, which is about five hours away. Good luck, pal.
CIN (-13.5) over cle
Cleveland is just going to lay down for the Bengals here. On a more interesting note, Carson Palmer becomes the first QB in NFL history to light himself on fire after a victory. Because he’s such a fucking perfectionist competitor.
MIN (-11) over chi
Brett Favre joined me at the in-laws for Thanksgiving dinner, and he told me that he sold advertisement space on his uniform this week. “I’m going to look like NASCAR, which is super-white and also my target audience. But guess what? I’m putting some maxi-pad logos on my groin so that when Joe Buck talks about my taint pad, the female viewer doesn’t lose interest. You know, because they love to hear about their flow-time. That’s all they talk about, you know? Oh hey, pass that cranberry puree sauce.” Later Brett drunkenly asked me in a loud whisper, “Psst! Hey! What the hell is their fucking problem?” AS IF I FUCKING KNEW, BRETT.
was (+9.5) over PHI
This week on a Brothers that the censors did not want you to see:
Campbell: So you think it’s weird that we’ve never made love?
Obama (looking up quickly from his dinner plate): You a virgin? (looking back down at his plate in mock concentration, and now mumbling slightly due to the quick bite that he has just taken) I ain’t no virgin.
Campbell: That’s not what I meant.
Obama: Oh. (pause for the Mike Brady quality double take) Oh no…AW HELL NAW!
Campbell: Gotcha! (finger point, tilts head, championship smile, wild applause, pause the tape, and credits roll)
[Note that during the DVD commentary, Campbell admits to having a hige erection during that entire day’s shoot.]
BUF (+3) over mia
whatever.
TEN (-3) over ari
I am no longer picking against Kurt Warner, but I heard that he might be out with a brain injury inflicted by Tiger Woods’ wife.
STL (+4) over sea
Terrible.
ATL (-12.5) over tam
Matt Ryan told me that he has changed his middle name to Pure Sexy in honor of Atlanta’s own Michael PS Hayes. He is also going to play without a shirt and will hate black people during the first half.
car (+3) over NYJ
Someone tell Sanchez to stop calling me.
SFO (-3) over jax
It’s just about time for Jax to hit a bump in the road.
SD (-13.5) over kc
Fuck Matt Cassell.
BAL over pit
Ben Roethlisberger is going to be the first certified retard to play in a Pro Bowl if he keeps this shit up.
ne (+2.5) over NO
Thom Brady lost his cool earlier this week when I asked him about the Saints continuing their undefeated run. “Man, fuck Drew Brees. If he’s so great, where’s his supermodel girlfriend, huh? Let’s see him do that, yeah. He can just sniff the laces on the football Monday night because that’s as close as he’s going to get…(sniffs fingers) Seriously man, check this out. It’s like roses and baby powder and the ocean with a hint of lemon.”
3 quanimal // Nov 29, 2009 at 12:05 am
$100 STL ml
$200 car ml
$500 MIN
$50 STL/car/MIN
$50 STL/jax/MIN
$50 ind/TEN/MIN
4 quanimal // Nov 29, 2009 at 10:26 am
from fredo via email
Big bet on BF and the taint pads.
25 MIN
25 SF
25 STL
25 ind/STL/phi
25 jax-SF UNDER
10 sea-STL OVER/chi-MIN OVER/car-NYJ UNDER
5 PECAN PIE // Nov 29, 2009 at 10:53 am
These are my first mobile picks, sponsored by sprint. I’m in Ohio as I type this. The stench is overpowering. I’m also outta time. Here we go
ind
cin
chi
phi
mia
ari
sea
tam
car
sfo
kc
bal
no
BUCKS
$50 no/kc/chi
$50 cleveland steamer special: cle/cin/bal
6 PECAN PIE // Nov 29, 2009 at 10:56 am
just reali1d my cleveland steamer parlay is invalid. Lets try again:
$50 cin/bal/hou
7 quanimal // Nov 29, 2009 at 8:00 pm
erik, you’re out of bob bucks. not that it mattered.