normally i would start off this post by calling attention the the fact that fredo got a stellar 11 wins last week in what was a pretty tough week to call games.  unfortunately, fredo’s achievement will go unnoticed this week as i went an astonishing 15-2 last week, including hitting my big bet and winning big in the bob bucks round.  if you keep up with the comments you will see that i went into the sunday night game with a perfect 14-0 record for the week.  i can’t even begin to tell you how awesome i am for doing it.  if you really think about it, we should end the season now.  there’s no reason really to go on as i have accomplished the closest thing we’ve seen to perfection.  if i were banging skanky truckstop waitresses, they would call me the tiger woods of handicapping.  and yet there is another reason to go on.  helene and i have drawn into a dead tie with three weeks remaining.  pan-ethnic pride is at stake here.  and even though technically we lost the war and korea tied, vietnam shall triumph this time around.  let’s take a look at the standings, shall we?

do you like the blue and silver color scheme?  good because the cowboys season is BACK ON MOFO!  that’s right, the boys are back in business.  it’s amazing how the fortunes of a team can turn on one game.  the cowboys went from going into rebuilding mode to super bowl contenders in one game.  and that’s why i love the nfl.  in any case, eric is out of bob bucks now as well and like erik, will not compete in final jeapordy.  now before we get on with the picks, i had some free time at work and i did a little statistical charting of everyone’s progress this season.  first up, let’s track everyone’s winning percentage through the season.



as we can see here, it took about 8 weeks for everyone to settle into their current trends. notice, that there hasn’t been much movement since that time.  of course, the exception being me and my masterpiece week last week.  helene has been virtually a wire to wire leader and erik….well, is doesn’t take a genius to figure out what the proper conclusion to draw from his line.  next up, bob bucks progress:

a much more interesting story can be seen here.  eric started off pretty hot, but had a brutal stretch between week 7 and 10.  fredo has been rock solid being in the black the whole time.  it took me a while but i’ve moved within striking distance with last weeks’ virtuoso performance.  helene has held pretty steady close to being even, but losing a little bit more every week.  and then there’s erik.  if you look closely at erik’s performance, you’ll see that there was only one week where he didn’t lose money.  say it with me people, TRBL.  so what do these charts tell us.  well, as with most numbers and statistics, it’s actually difficult to make any strong statements about overall performance.  usually you are lucky if you can find one clearly defined trend.  and well, that trend is pretty obvious.  erik is an idiot.  anyways, on with the picks!  numbers from caesars and home team in all caps.

PIT (-2.5) over gb, o/u – 40.5, steelers (-135) packers (+115)
just seems like one of those games where the steelers pull together enough to save some face on the season. the pack’s recent performance is entirely overrated and it looks like they will be easy wildcard pickins for whatever team gets hot enough to score that first playoff game with them.

TEN (-5) over mia, o/u – 42.5, titans (-240) dolphins (+190)
the thing about the dolphins is that they’re underrated, but they’re still not good enough to win anything important. also with chris johnson virtually assured to reach 2,000 yards, is it time we start comparing him to emmitt smith instead of barry sanders?

ne (-7) over BUF, o/u – 40.5, patriots (-330) bills (+270)
doesn’t randy moss have a point? in this culture of all or nothing, and second place is first loser, what incentive does he have to try if the patriots are clearly outmatched by not only the colts, but probably the chargers too? there are players all over the league who have mailed it in. i say leave randy alone.

ari (-14) over DET o/u – 47, cardinals (-1000) lions (+700)
not even 10 years ago, daunte culpepper was the best qb in the league. just something to think about. also, despite increasing the number of wins by a factor of infinity, i think we can see that the lions are still at least 3 years away from respectability. detroit on the other hand, with some reports of an unimaginable 50% unemployment rate, is on the fast track of becoming the first major american city to actually die. thanks obama.

PHI (-7.5) over sfo, o/u – 41, eagles (-400) niners (+300)
no idea. is philadelphia getting some of this crazy snow out east?

atl (+7) over NYJ, o/u – 36, falcons (+220) jets (-300)
by the way, it was 75 degrees in santa barbara today.

chi (+11) over BAL, o/u – 39, bears (+450) ravens (-650)
i heard that washington area is getting a ton of snow, which theoretically should keep this game close. also, now that the pressure is off, watch jay cutler start to kick some ass again.

cle (+2) over KC, o/u – 37, browns (+110) chiefs (-130)
extra three days of rest for the browns from the thursday game last week should be enough to do the trick against crapola.  big bet on the browns emmeffers!

hou (-14) over STL, o/u – 43.5, texans (off) rams (off)
i’d like to take the home dog here, but the rams qb has the worst name in the history of the national football league (say that last sentence in a ron jaworski voice); keith null. the only name that could less inspiring for a quarterback is ennui zed.

cin (+7) over SDO, o/u – 43.5, bengals (+250) chargers (-330)
sorry, you won’t catch me betting against the ghost of chris henry.

DEN (-14) over oak, o/u – 37, broncos (-1100) raiders (+700)
have fun in denver charlie frye. also, this is the second game with week with a ml for the favorite of over -1000 bucks (arizona is -1000 too). not good for gambling or football. the obvious solution is contraction.

SEA (-6.5) over tam, o/u – 39.5, seahawks (-300) buccaneers (+220)
i have an idea for the last three weeks of the season. you know how NBC has the flex option for the sunday night game to get better games on tv? the NFL should institute the anti-flex game for late season games that don’t matter. just don’t play them. tampa bay doesn’t have to make the cross country trip and we don’t have to sit through paying attention to seahawks blow out the rookie quarterback on the road.

min (-9) over CAR, o/u – 42.5, vikings (-450) panthers (+325)
i don’t know who’s starting at qb for the panthers. nor do i care. oh hey, here’s another idea! in games like this, they should have an all-time qb like you did in grade school when only one kid was good enough to actually throw a football in pickup games. more brett favre! everyone wins.

WAS (+3) over nyg, 43.5, redskins (+130) giants (-140)
this week on “bruthaz”:

obama pulls a hamstring playing basketball and jason campbell shows him a massage technique that chris cooley once showed him when they were roommates in training camp. one thing leads to another and….oh wait a minute. sorry about that, that was an episode recap for this week’s episode of “bruthaz on bruthaz”.