The Ragin' Asian

man did i nail how the eagles/texans game would turn out or what?

buf (+5.5) over MIN, 44.5, bills (+190) vikes (-240)
the bills are what we call a covering machine.  and brett favre is what we call a interception dong picture text message sending machine.

MIA (-4.5) over cle, 43, dolphins (-220) browns (+180)
erik should be happy that between lebron james and jake delhomme maybe having to play, it’s pretty clear that god hates cleveland.

jax (+3) over TEN, 43.5, jags (+155) titans (-175)
i think this line is under the assumption that kerry collins is playing.  also i have no idea about this game since my bias against jack del rio prevents me from understanding how jacksonville wins any games.  it’s a home division game so that might swing things in the titans’ favor, but the offense and organization is in a little disarray right now.  thanks vince young!

KC (-8.5) over den, 48.5, chiefs (-450) tebows (+325)
part of me hopes that in a show of solidarity between broheims at the end of the game todd haley and josh mcdaniel pull out some wacky fraternity secret handshake.  otherwise this should be a snoozer.

NYG (-7) over was, 43.5, giants (-330) skins (+260)
i’m just going to go with the home division game theory, but i don’t trust the giants one bit, especially without their #1 and #2 receivers out.

chi (-5) over DET, 43.5, bears (-240) lions (+190)
two words: drew. stanton.

GB (-9) over sfo, 41.5, packers (-450) niners (+325)
the fact that troy smith doesn’t completely suck obscures the fact that mike singletary still really sucks as a head coach.  i know i’ve gone back and forth over the years as to whether or not he’s head coaching material, so right now, i’m in the “not head coach material” camp.  i want to root for the black coach, but wearing that gigantic cross around his neck prevents that from happening.

no (-6.5) over CIN, 45.5, saints (-300) bengals (+220)
honestly, this line should be about 10.  even though both teams are coming off 10 days rest, one of these teams has a quarterback that doesn’t completely suck.

atl (-3) over TAM, 45.5, falcons (-140) bucs (+120)
the falcons seem to be the only NFC team you can trust.

SD (-13) over oak, 45, chargers (-700) raiders (+500)
two teams going in different directions.

SEA (-5.5) over car, 40, seahawks (-240) panthers (+190)
not much to like about underdogs this week.

IND (-5.5) over dal, 47.5, colts (-240) cowboys (+190)
while they cowboys finally seem to be playing with just a little bit more effort, it still doesn’t change the fact that i think this team has a very very low football iq.  peyton tears those kinds of defenses up.

stl (-3.5) over ARI, 43, rams (-185) cards (+165)
truly derek anderson does get the last laugh.  he gets paid crazy amounts of money for having one good year 6 years ago.  true, he shouldn’t have lost his temper during the press conference, but the truth is anyone with half a brain should realize that laughing on the sideline is a complete non-issue.  and you know whose fault this is? jon effing gruden.  he was harping on that for so long.  is it that hard to find someone who can provide color commentary without being a total jackass espn?

BAL (-3) over pit, 40, ravens (-160) steelers (+145)
oy, no idea.

nyj (+3.5) over NE, 45.5, jets (+170) pats (-200)
again no idea, but i can no longer support tom brady when he decides that it’s a good idea to endorse UGG shoes.  sorry tom, a man has to draw a line somewhere.

PHI (-8) over hou, 51, eagles (-400) texans (+300)
doesn’t this have shootout written all over it?  and in those kinds of games one teams always pulls away at the end of the game.  there’s no way the texans are winning this game, so if they’re not pulling away, then that means they’re getting scored on repeatedly, kinda like erik’s sister.

$100 over

i think it’s about time that some of you gave it up to me for my extremely consistent picking this year.  another double digit win week for me while the rest of the field continues to tread water.  a pretty unremarkable week other than my 11 wins.  i think it’s safe to say that barring a miracle, erik will finish under .500 while eric and helene did themselves no favors this week with another mediocre showing.  if fredo can finish strong this season, i can see him getting 10-15 games above .500.   cats went 2-2 this week.  birds went 1-4.  not a good week for the animal kingdom.  all 5 of us picked four games exactly alike and we were rewarded for our lack of faith in the team that hails from the taint of america, the lions, but the cowboys screwed us all by covering.  eric’s team the packers really let us down, and somehow the pick em went horribly wrong for all of us as the dolphins beat the raiders.  other than that, only i got the bengals game wrong (friggin cat mascots) and only eric screwed up the niners/cards game.  eric, i suggest you not take the cardinals any more this year.

min (+1) over WAS, 41, vikings (+115) skins (-135)
now that childress is out of the way it would be like brett favre to all of a sudden start trying a little harder instead of throwing 3 picks a game.  i saw if you can bet on the sorriness of brett favre, then you have to do it.  also bruthaz is on hiatus this week so that obama can figure out how to keep north korea from starting world war 3.

BUF (+6.5) over pit, 43, bills (+220) steelers (-300)
after watching chan gailey coach the cowboys for a few worthless years, it’s kinda surprising to me that the bills play so hard for him.  is he a sneaky genius, because we really haven’t heard anyone blaming him for the bills not being so great this year?  does anyone care if the city of buffalo merged with the city of detroit and called it the town of zebra poop?  contract the bills?

HOU (-6.5) over ten, 45.5, texans (-300) titans (+220)
here’s my bill simmons impression: any time you can bet against a quarterback named rusty, you have to do.  you HAVE to.  what do you think?  seriously, that impression was more genius than you realize.

NYG (-7) over jax, 44.5, giants (-320) jags (+260)
just so everyone knows, there are two more pretty big point spreads coming up.  you might talk me into jacksonville, but if the giants are supposed to be real super bowl contenders they ought to win this by 10 points at least, no?  god football sucks this year.  is there not a single team out there i can trust?

car (+10) over CLE, 37.5, panthers (+350) browns (-500)
with steve smith, d’angelo smith, jon stewart, and colt mccoy probably out this game, i’m pretty sure the only player i can name on either of these teams is peyton hillis.  and i have no idea what that guy looks like.

tam (+7.5) over BAL, 42, bucs (+280) ravens (-360)
man, josh freeman just can’t get any respect from vegas this year.  it is an afc vs nfc matchup, but i figure since the away team is in the same time zone, that ought to be enough to cover.  also reverse jinx since i have baltimore’s defense in both of my fantasy leagues.

CHI (+3.5) over phi, 42, bears (+160) eagles (-180)
how did i not know that jay cutler is dating kristen callavarri from the hills until this week?  she could not have picked a more perfect person to make cameos on whatever her next lame reality show.  we’ve always suspected that cutler was a douche, but hopefully, kristen will strike while the iron is hot and we’ll get to see up close and personal just what a jackass jay cutler is in everyday life in her new show, dumb and dumber.

gb (+2.5) over ATL, 47.5, packers (+110) falcons (-130)
veddy intervesting…..finally a good game where we’ll probably learn something about one of these teams.  this line started at 2 which strikes me as interesting that the mob would favor the falcons since the packers are probably the more high profile team.  well, the mob is dumb.  i like this one a lot actually.  eric, i demand your analysis of this matchup in your picks.

OAK (pk) over mia, no o/u, raiders (off) dolphins (off)
i have no idea why these lines are off, so let’s just try to pick the winner, which seems like easy pickins to me.  but what the hell do i know about either of these teams.  they’re just as average as all the other teams in this league.

kc (-1.5) over SEA, 44.5, chiefs (off) seahawks (off)
boooooooooring.

stl (+4) over DEN, 44.5, rams (+180) broncoes (-220)
booooooooooooooring.

IND (-3) over sd, 51.5, colts (-140) chargers (+120)
penis nose at night, at home.  enough said.  well, i guess you could also marvel at how big the over/under is, but whatever.

sfo (-1) over ARI, 40, niners (off) cards (off)
i hate football.

the truth is, they ought to take away the thanksgiving game from the lions and have only the cowboys play that day.  we really don’t need two games on that day let alone 3.  but since the NFL has peaked, you can bet that this will never happen.

ne (-6.5) over DET, 51, pats (-300) lions (+220)
i know you’re supposed to take the home team on these thansgiving games, but well, detroit is a bottom 3 team and the pats are a top 3 team in the league. i also enjoy the prospect of erik swearing non stop for three hours as brady picks apart the lions secondary.

no (-4) over DAL, 50.5, saints (-220) cowboys (+180)
seriously, home teams on thanksgiving, that’s the rule!  in any case, i think it really comes down to this game for garrett’s job. but again, it begs for the question…was garrett sandbagging to get phillips out of there?  i say yes, because garrett went to princeton and those guys are a bunch of big douchebags.

cin (+9.5) over NYJ, 43.5, bengals (+325) jets (-450)
jesus, what a slate of bad games.  you should probably take the jets, but i had to take at least one underdog. there’s a good chance that i might go 0-3 on thanksgiving.

what a week!

Fredo with a very impressive 12 wins on the week.  but more than that, we had a lot of winners in the money round.  eric, per usual, made a solid big bet to pull in his usual 100 bucks or so.  even erik got in on the action by hitting a nice three team parlay.  but as usual, his other bonehead bets took away from any real impact he might have had on his bob bucks total.  your truly however, hit the jackpot this week.  as if the 2 100 dollar bets were not enough, i hit only only a $50 3 teamer, but i felt so good about that three teamer, that i extended it into a $50 four teamer and won nearly a 1000 bob bucks this week.  now i’m in striking distance of eric for the stretch run for the season.  In the overall standings, i’ve build a nice 9 game cushion to play with down the stretch to finish over .500, but fredo, erik, and helene, just need a couple of good weeks to get above the line.  erik of course has a lot of work to do.  other things of note: erik was the only one of us to get the jets/texans game right, but offset by being the only one who didn’t believe in the power of vick.  meanwhile i screwed the thursday night dolphin games, but was the only one who bet on penis nose for that miraculous cover.  helene had a relatively good week, despite cats going 1-3, while birds went 3-2.

Fredo and i did some talking yesterday and he thinks that it’s the time of year where we can just put the wackiness of the past season behind us and go with what we know about these teams.  for example, of course the steelers were going to blow out the raiders in pittsburgh.  of course the lions were going to lose on the road.  of course manning was going to cover.  an interesting strategy to go vanilla the rest of the way.  we’ll see how it goes i guess.

crazy times. sorry this is up so late. here are the results from last week, not counting the thursday bears/dolphins game.

as you can all see, last week was a tough week for everyone.  you know it’s a tricky week when erik comes in first place.  amirite or amirite?  eric continues to just nail the bob bucks, despite making only 3 bets.  fredo made a big gamble and it turn out so well though.  and erik got lucky and hit a three team parlay, only to have the rest of his shitty bets to eat into his possible winnings.  however, he is back in black on the year so that’s something he can hang his hat on.  however, perhaps the story of the year is helene’s cats and animal mascots faring so poorly.  why does the NFL hate animals?  is it because of michael vick?  who knows and who cares, let’s get these bad boys up.  numbers from caesars and home team in all caps.

oak (+7.5) over PIT, 41, raiders (+280) steelers (-360)
the left side of the steeler’s offensive line concerns me.  those backups looked like a sieve against the pats last week.  no hines ward either.  granted it’s jason campbell, but i think the raiders can keep it close here.

NYJ (-6.5) over hou, 45.5, jets (-300) texans (+220)
for being projected as two of the better teams in the NFL, this game really doesn’t excite me that much.  football has definitely peaked.

bal (-11) over CAR, 37.5, ravens (-600) panthers (+450)
brian st. pierre.  brian. st. fucking. pierre.  this is what the panthers are trotting out on sunday behind center.  i’m convinced that this is not even a real player, but something that the panthers PR department cooked up because they couldn’t find anyone that was willing to qb.  they’ll probably round up some charlotte area homeless people on saturday afternoon, put em through a workout and take the least drunk one to put on the st. pierre jersey.  sure it’s not a good idea football wise, but marketing wise, this is a great premise for a comedy starring rob schneider and the white dude form half-baked.

was (+7) over TEN, 44, redskins (+250) titans (-330)
this week on bruthaz:

obama: hey donavan, i know that you had a rough game last week against michael vick, but it’s not all your fault.  the eagles are just really good.

donavan: you don’t understand barry.  i wanted to beat those eagles so bad.  i still can’t believe andy reid abondoned me.  and now coach shanahan has already showed signs that he’s going to do the same to.  who’s next?  are you going to abandon me too barack?

obama: come on donnie, you know i’d never leave you. there’s nothing wrong with you.  it’s not your fault the defense gave up half a hundo.  and even if it was, that doesn’t matter to me.  i just need someone…that i can talk to….i think i loooo….

donavan: don’t say it barry, unless you mean it.

obama: i love you just the way you are

cue billy joel song

donavan: well, that’s good to hear, because to be honest, i didn’t play very well last week because i had my mind on some other things…

obama: come on donavan, you can talk to me…what’s bothering you.

donavan: we’re pregnant.

time the song so that the saxophone lick after the chorus fades up after donavan says his line

DAL (-6) over det, 46.5, cowboys (-270) lions (+210)
SUCK IT ERIK.

gb (-3) over MIN, 44, packers (-175) vikings (+155)
so we’ve really reached a point where i think the vikings should bench favre not because i hate him so much, but because tavaris jackson actually gives them the best chance to win.  i’m trying to think of a hall of famer that has stained his legacy as much as favre and so far, the only person i can come up with is OJ.  on a side note, i’ve come up with an idea of an end zone dance for aaron rogers if he can figure out a way to rush for a td.  under the foam padding he should have someone hide a cell phone ala chad johnson.  except of dialing a number, he should point it at his crotch like he’s taking a picture of his junk.  then run to the side line and then punch brett favre in the nose with the phone.  let’s make this happen aaron.  you know you’ll be a national hero if you do.

buf (+5.5) over CIN, 42, bills (+200) bengals (-220)
this might be the single worst game of the NFL season.

cle (+1.5) over JAX, 43, browns (off) jags (off)
not sure why the lines are off…all it says is that josh cribbs is questionable, but whatever.  if the jags don’t get lucky last week, this line is the exact opposite, which is what it should be.

KC (-7.5) over ari, 44, chiefs (-360) cards (+280) – BIG BET
umm, the chiefs at home is a solid bet regardless, but throw in the crap soup special that is the cardinals and derek anderson or whoever the hell they’re playing this week, then this locks in the big bet for the week.

sea (+11.5) over NO, 44, seahawks (+400) saints (-600)
no i don’t feel good about it, but it’s 11 and a half points, what do you want me to do?

atl (-3) over STL, 43, falcons (-170) rams (+150)
man, i’m liking a lot of these games this week.  the falcons have had 10 days of rest, they ought to be able to handle the rams.

SFO (-3.5) over tam, 42, niners (-200) bucs (+170)
i don’t understand this line any better than you do, so let’s just assume it’s some sort of a trap.

ind (+4) over NE, 50, colts (+175) pats (-220)
here’s an AIM conversation that peyton and i had the other day.

peYnis18: hey man, i’m opening up an interceptions franchise in boston this saturday night, can you make it?

ngobot69: yeah, probably, but do you think it’s such a good idea to have this on the night before such a big game?

peYnis18: >:-(

ngobot69: just sayin’

peYnis18: listen dude, i’m trying to live my life allright?  i’m gonna show up tomorrow, score at least 30 points, and if that’s not enough to win, what do i care.

ngobot69: you’re probably right but i don’t think that’s going to fly over well with the press or the fans.

peYnis18: again, wtf do i care?

PHI (-3) over nyg, 48, eagles (-185) giants (+165)
if this line were 3.5 i’d take the giants.

den (+9.5) over SD, 50, broncos (+340) chargers (-450)
division game + norv turner = close game.